Daws, Amy: Chasing Hope
by Amy Daws
Release Date: May 26, 2014
At 33 weeks pregnant, Amy is certain something bad will soon happen, it has too many times before. Deep down she fears it’s only a matter of time before the baby she’s carrying will die. Despite the fact that Amy has been repeatedly slapped in the face with multiple miscarriages, she still can’t seem to quiet that tiny voice in the back of her head that’s screaming at her to not give up hope.
Follow Amy’s true story as she stumbles through her journey with humor and warmth all while dealing with the neuroses that come along with getting her hopes shattered time and time again. All she has to do is close her eyes and she’s lurched back to the memories of her losses on the floor in her bathroom, in the hospital, and even at her place of work. No one knows what the internal mind of a woman who’s lost five babies and suffered this many let downs goes through. Can Hope ever truly survive memories such as these?
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
I started my first read-through and discovered I needed to stop being a reviewer/editor in order to get through the first reading of your story. “Chasing Hope” touched my heart so deeply, I found I couldn’t focus on the mechanics of the story and the grammar and punctuation because I was so emotionally entrenched in the story itself. I have just finished my second read-through and feel that I can begin to offer feedback on content and the few mechanical errors with some degree of confidence in my professional abilities.
I have never found a book that touched me on such a deep level that I couldn’t separate myself from the reading of it to do my job. My heart goes out to you and your family in so many ways, for the losses you have suffered, and for the joy your Lorelei Hope has brought.
“You’ll need to take that necklace off before we go Amy, so don’t forget.” Nurse Micaela said as she was typing into the computer next to the bed.
My hands instantly went to touch my five gold rings hanging from an old leather strap around my neck. My five gold rings for my five angel babies. I swallowed and silently prayed I would not make another angel.
I fumbled the clasp behind my neck and suddenly, the clasp broke and all five gold rings fell to the cold linoleum floor, clinking along the bed rail on their way down. “Kevin. My rings, they fell! Oh my God,” Shock and panic washed over me. It’s a sign; a bad sign. My baby isn’t going to make it. My angels are telling me to prepare for the other shoe to drop. Another nightmare headed our way.
I sat on the side of the bed while Kevin and Micaela searched the floor to find all five. Tears threatened my lower eyelids and I whispered, “This is really bad. This can’t be good. I’m losing her Kevin,” My chin trembled and my face twisted in pain as the tears poured down my face and sobs freed themselves from my throat.
Micaela looked up at me seriously, “NO! This isn’t a bad sign. This could be a good sign. Your angels are telling you it’s time to let them go and move on. You’re having this baby Amy.”
It is my pleasure to feature Amy Daws, author of Chasing Hope, on Room With Books. Thank you, Amy, for answering a few questions to help our readers get to know you better.
What inspired you to share your story with the world? Honestly, at first I just knew I wanted to strictly write my story out so I never ever forgot it and then once I finished it, I was like, “Well heck! I went to this much work already, I may as well publish it!” Then I started to share it with a few people and their feedback was tremendous. They were able to relate with what I was saying, or they were able to feel validated because I had similar feelings they had! So then I just knew I wanted to get it out there to help more.
What were the range of emotions you felt while writing the book? Oh brother. I was a mess most of the time. Any time I wrote vivid detail about the losses, tears were just streaming down my face and in to my lap. I just prayed no one tried to talk to me during those times because I probably would have screamed at them to get me a tissues and then leave me alone! But then I’d also have these moments of excitement, like I knew where I wanted to go and I just couldn’t type it out fast enough. Those moments were exciting!
How did your husband feel about you writing the book? I think Kevin was happy for me when I told him I wanted to do this. But when he read it, I think he had some reservations. I speak in great detail about things people said to me that hurt my feelings or what I was thinking on the inside while someone shared their joyful news and he, being the nicest guy on the planet, initially thought I was being too cruel. And I understand that. But once I told him he needed to look at the big picture and what WE went through as opposed to me offending my sister in law or something, he got with the program real quick and became super supportive.
What was the purpose of the book when you started writing it? Is that how the final product turned out? When I first started typing out my story, it was only because I didn’t want to forget. I didn’t want to forget the beautiful, wonderful, exciting moments…as well as, the horrifying, depressingly tragic moments. What Kevin and I went through together was HEAVY stuff. For real! I don’t think I had a specific purpose or theme when I first started writing it out, but as it developed, I realized that my story had this beacon of hope shining throughout it all. And that was awesome!
What’s been the hardest thing about enduring multiple miscarriages? The sadness never fully leaves you. Even after becoming a mother, you still have that sad spot in your heart for all the ones you’ve lost. Some days I feel like I’m on another plain than the rest of the world because I have this deep dark past that’s always with me. I’ll never get those babies back, hopefully in heaven someday yeah, but I’ll never get to experience being their mom and knowing what they look like, what their little personalities are. Ugh, just thinking about it brings it all back ye know?
If you had to give advice or words of encouragement to people going through your similar situation, what would it be? The baby that is meant for your is still coming. It’s hard to accept because you think that the baby you just lost should be the ONE for you! But once you meet the baby that you were supposed to have here on Earth, it all sort of makes sense! I will always be a better mother for what I have gone through…and no one can take that away from me! I’m can actually say I am lucky for going through what I’ve gone through because it made me a better person. If you had asked me that while I was in the thick of it, I would have said, SCREW YOU THIS ALL SUCKS! So, sorry if you’re in the darkness right now, I get it. But just hang in there. I cannot wait for you to see the light! It’s coming, one way or another! It will be the baby that was MEANT for you!
Amy, you have been so open and honest, both in your book and in answering these questions. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate the time you have taken and for allowing Room With Books to be a part of your book release!
Amy Daws is local TV network affiliate commercial producer and lives in South Dakota with her husband, Kevin and their daughter, Lorelei. She graduated with honors from the University of Northern Iowa, despite fiercely executing her wild college-girl phase. Amy received her make-believe medical degree from the school of Google on infertility and miscarriage. On most nights, you can find Amy and her family dancing in their living room to Strawberry Shortcake’s theme song or stuffing themselves inside children sized playhouses and then struggling to get back out because there is nothing they wouldn’t do for their little miracle. She is passionate about sharing her story and connecting with other couples that have suffered losses and are in search of real-life understanding. Amy held on to hope in her journey because she knew the payoff of a miracle baby would be worth the wait.